Step one is to wake up in the middle of the night, drenched in your own cold sweat. Seeing that you’re in a panic, you should calm yourself until the sudden realization hits you: You haven’t worked on the paper that’s due tomorrow.
If you spend the next two hours cursing and hitting yourself in the head for being so stupid, so very, very, stupid, then you’re on the right track. Don’t worry if you’re more inclined to slam your head against the wall rather than work on your own paper; your own responsibility. It’s normal, albeit unhealthy.
Now, it’s best to dry your face and boot up your computer. Ignore the icons for your other assignments, the ones you were far too focused on, and go straight to writing the assignment that’s due tomorrow.
If it’s a research paper, then good luck. Go to a relevant Wiki page, scroll to the citations, and hope for the best.
If it’s a review for a film or article, then good luck. Pull up the notes you took, and hope for the best.
If it’s for maths or sciences, then good luck. Those topics are far too removed from the world of paper-writing that you’d be better off writing a 5-page essay about the pleasant smells of a public restroom.
Do it all in one go, too, and don’t even think about pressing backspace. Climb onto the train of thought, and if you’re lucky, it’ll send you barrelling through walls. Speed-read your sources and chug down caffeine. Type like a madman and let your fingers go spastic. Fill up space with quotes and let your jargon do the rest.
If all else fails, then just show up to class, hide in the back as you always do, cover your face, and blubber when the professor asks for your paper or input.
Alternatively, you could play it off, but unless you’re the god of optimism, this option will have already waved goodbye the moment you stepped foot in the room without your paper.
Don’t bother turning it in late, either. A failure is a failure, just like you. Besides, even if you did finish it, you’d still feel like shit for every other assignment thrown your way.
Instead, just hide in bed and pretend that you believe in God. Pretend that you’re here so that he can get his sick laughs at you. It’s not comforting, of course, but at least it means you’re not the one responsible for your own shortcomings.
Hell, it’s not like you try to fix your own problems whenever you recognize them. It’s more like you stare at them, cry, and then run away like a child lost at a fair. Yeah, I’d say that’s about as much as you’re worth. No more than a lost kid who has no hope of finding his parents or ever feeling the warmth of someone’s embrace. At least, not unless they’re some sick creep who gets off to hugging immature children like yourself. Sick creeps like you attract other sick creeps, it seems, and it’ll only be your fault when you fall in love with someone who only knows how to pull you down and then kick you while you’re on the floor. But, I suppose it’s still your fault in the first place for being into stuff like that. God, just thinking about you makes me sick. If I knew where you lived, I’d come over to your house, drench everything with oil, and drop a match into the mess. It’d be a loss for you, sure, but a gain for everyone else. What use is your life when you never do anything with it, anyway? Good God, it’s a miracle that your parents aren’t ashamed of you. I know I would be. Hell, I’m already ashamed of having to write all this down just to point it out to you. Not like you’ll get it through your thick skull anyway, but hey, it’ll probably be worth the effort.
Anyway, that’s besides the point.
Good luck on writing your paper!