12 / FEB / 2020

You know, I think it's about time I talk about work. I hate my job. I've been having actual nightmares about it. I work as a prep cook, and for the most part it's fine, but I just suck at it. My days are supposed to be 8 hours, but I usually end up having to work even longer; sometimes 9 hours. I'm constantly bossed around by the other kitchens and my nightmares involve people swarming my kitchen and demanding for me to make things for them. "Cook this, cook that, stop doing what you're doing." The worst part is that my job is supposed to be simple, and if I were to mention what it entails (Cooking goetta, bacon, sausages, homefries, onions, and peppers), it would seem like a simple job. I think that's what's most stressful about it; it's supposed to be simple, but because I'm fucking up, I feel more pressure to do things right.

I can't approach my boss. I can't talk to people honestly. I'm a coward who can't make any demands to make my job easier, and I'm deathly afraid of saying that I want to quit my job. I'm almost about to graduate, and I need the money to pay for college. Supposing I even go to college. The uncertainty of the future is a constant factor for my anxiety, and I envy anyone who so much as claims that they have a plan for their future. Even if it's just some lie that they're telling themselves, I still feel jealous of them for being able to, at the very least, remain optimistic.

Well, that's all for now. Goodbye.

{ End Log }